Good evil, and evil good
What about the happy irreligious and unspiritual? Father, we believers are tempted to lie to ourselves and characterize "the lost" as miserable and "the saved" as triumpant, when, if we were honest, we would admit isn't true. I know many people with little concern or thought of you who are happier and more moral than most who confess to know you. But that's nothing new, everyone quotes that proverb. But the cliche is true for a reason. The unbelieveing do good things. They help people. They give generously to those in need.
And yet, there is something dark in me that wants to negate all this. It's as if their goodness, wherever it comes from and whatever its outcome, threatens me: Am I being made holy if my life isn't much different from one of these who do not yet believe? What good is my faith if it doesn't make me better than other people and my life better than theirs? Are you even there, because there is precious little evidence of you "working" to change lives in the religious people I know?
Father, I think there is a wrong expectation -- maybe even a wrong heart alliegence -- that all these questions come from. I want a white and black distinction of the condemned and saved. Probably, I want it because it will remove the risk of relationship -- if I knew that, I wouldn't have to know you or them very intimately. I could dismiss whoever I didn't want, and feel justified in showing favoritism and self-interested friendship. And most of all, if my life was more "white" I could say to myself, "you have arrived" and live in self-righteous comfort.
When my eyes are allowed to be honest, I see that there is great evil within all of us, believer, apothetic, and skeptic alike. And I must also admit that there is good in every soul. The point in following you, Christ, or making committments to you, Jesus, is not to receive a stamp of approval or distinction as "a good person." It is to become part of Israel, "he who wrestles with God," not "he who has mastered Him." It means acknowledging my evil, bringing it to the light, and serving that light for the redemption of us all without having to seek labels of who does or does not deserve such grace.
And yet, there is something dark in me that wants to negate all this. It's as if their goodness, wherever it comes from and whatever its outcome, threatens me: Am I being made holy if my life isn't much different from one of these who do not yet believe? What good is my faith if it doesn't make me better than other people and my life better than theirs? Are you even there, because there is precious little evidence of you "working" to change lives in the religious people I know?
Father, I think there is a wrong expectation -- maybe even a wrong heart alliegence -- that all these questions come from. I want a white and black distinction of the condemned and saved. Probably, I want it because it will remove the risk of relationship -- if I knew that, I wouldn't have to know you or them very intimately. I could dismiss whoever I didn't want, and feel justified in showing favoritism and self-interested friendship. And most of all, if my life was more "white" I could say to myself, "you have arrived" and live in self-righteous comfort.
When my eyes are allowed to be honest, I see that there is great evil within all of us, believer, apothetic, and skeptic alike. And I must also admit that there is good in every soul. The point in following you, Christ, or making committments to you, Jesus, is not to receive a stamp of approval or distinction as "a good person." It is to become part of Israel, "he who wrestles with God," not "he who has mastered Him." It means acknowledging my evil, bringing it to the light, and serving that light for the redemption of us all without having to seek labels of who does or does not deserve such grace.
posted by soulster at 10:30 AM
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